july happened and it was so fast that i kind of can't believe it's over already

the amsterdam trip with my partner was definitely the highlight, as usual every year. we saw nine inch nails live and it was everything my teen self and my current self hoped it would be. sharing that experience with them made it even better, being in that crowd together really Going Through It. i was half-distracted during the show musing on my own experiences with art and meaning, trying to think about what my work and ideas are and what i want them to be, and it made me wonder about someone like trent reznor who has so many songs pulled from bad and painful experiences.

does it still hurt so many years after to think of those days? or does it just become another song to you eventually? oftentimes i have considered putting some of the more painful things from my life into my art somehow but i always had a hint of fear there that doing so would leave a raw wound raw forever, every time someone interacted with it or i went back to it. but maybe not.

after all that hemming and hawing and pretentious thinking about Art and what i want finally started making some progress with my digital art after being blocked for months. started experimenting with different perspectives and compositions in my fanart and something clicked. it's nice to actually want to draw again instead of staring at a blank canvas for hours.

also binged the murderbot show!! despite reservations me and a bunch of other ppl had, to me in the end alexander skarsgard was such good casting, he really nailed that dry humor and super autistic awkwardness. ended up listening to all the audiobook novellas afterwards too as a refresher and the radio drama style narration works so well for the story. it's actually got me thinking about restructuring some of my own writing projects into novellas. that length feels more achievable somehow, especially since i have too many ideas that cant be cohesively shoved into a novel format

managed to get the alloid dreamwidth community up and running this month too. still organizing everything but it's nice to have a proper fannish space again. very nostalgic honestly!!!! please check it out if you are an old man enthusiast and if you have something to contribute

i've got a few commissions to finish but after that i'm planning to draw and post some character sheets and actually talk about my projects here. remember when we used to just ramble about our Projects without worrying about it being cringe. might try to channel some of that energy FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE.

anyway. aside from a bunch of awful shit happening i try to look back on july as a good month and focus on the good things that happened. hope everyone else is surviving the summer and crazy heat

NOW ONTO MY BIRTHDAY MONTH

(also writing this was supremely awkward, trying to be casual yet readable yet interesting somehow i hope? writing journals is definitely an acquired and practiced skill lol. tell me if you prefer more or less grammar and punctuation. capitalising sentences felt too pretentious. maybe i should go look at my old LJ and see what the fuck i used to write on there)